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December 13, 2000 Holiday Party
Prediction Awards MOST RZ BROWN-NOSING MOST RZ BROWN-NOSING II STARBUCKS AWARD
Round Zero will be acquired by AOL/TW for $750 million and be expanded into multiple media tracks. Included will be a 'What's my line'-like game show featuring RZ members, a cable talk show, and a monthly high-gloss magazine. Retail products will include the Nirav Tolia sock-puppet and the Josh Becker plush toy.
Round Zero, becoming too large and too broadly chartered to be effective at levels it expects of itself, hires Goldman to spin out various subsidiaries. The RZ brand is extended to Round Zero LA, Round Zero NYC (RZNY), or Round Zero Optical Networking, Round Zero Broadband Infrastructure, Round Zero Wireless PDA, etc., etc.
Al Gore will be sworn in as our next President.
(Wake up and smell the coffee.)
MOST COMMON
There will be more mergers in 2000 than IPOs in 1999.
GLASS IS HALF EMPTY AWARD
Optical networking and wireless companies follow their b2b and b2c brethen into the financial market abyss.
"THAT'S NOT A PREDICTION, IT'S HISTORICAL FACT" AWARD
At least one of the magazines covering the Internet will fold.
MOST BULL
Nasdaq will rise by 50% in 2001.
MOST BEAR
The NASDAQ will have hit 1,500 at some point during the year.
DISTASTER AWARD
The greenhouse effect will cause a flood that will wipe Silicon Valley from the map leaving only Larry Ellison alive in the top floor of his headquarters.
TRY AGAIN AWARD
Nirav gets engaged.
SILVER LINING AWARD
Housing prices will drop to by 50% in Silicon Valley by end of 2001!
CONTRARIAN AWARD
Advertising-based business models will be absolutely HUGE!
BOLDEST
Amazon is acquired.
MOST LIKELY TO HAPPEN
More Internet companies goingout of business (a bloodbath) in the early part of 2001, subsiding towards the middle of the year... with the surviving companies stronger than ever.
LUDDITE AWARD
The Internet will be replaced with a globe-spanning system o perforated tin cans and hemp twine. Packet prioritization will be determined by a sophisticated set "Who can yell the loudest" protocols.Similarly, Lucent will announce its next generation suburban free-space photonics system, based on a well-trained fleet of six to nine year olds with flashlights, cosmetic mirrors, and excellent morse code skills. In order to assure that the network is live 24x7, the kids will be kept in a perpetually hepped-up state through liberal application of Red Bull energy drinks and Hostess Twinkies.